Three Effective Habits For Overcoming Relationship Hurdles

by - July 09, 2019

We're talking about relationships, that cool?

David and I have been dating for over seven years. We celebrate eight years together in December. That's sounds so crazy to me that is has been that long... in the best way possible. I truly believe that love is work. A relationships takes work... you should be actively pursuing each other, growing together, spending time with one another, leaning in to each other's love languages. When you vibe with someone so well, the love is worth the work to make the relationship work. 

Everyone who has been in a serious relationship knows that even the most rewarding relationship will present challenges. Tough periods come with the territory. And while there is no perfect partner out there, the ideal partner is someone you know is worth putting in the work for. If you’ve found that person, these tips will help you make your relationship flourish.

Your Partner is Not a Fixer-Upper
That old adage that people don’t change is completely false. People can change. We all change and grow throughout our lives. What matters is how you apply this. While it can be tempting to think that your relationship would be better if your partner would change, the truth is that the only way to change a relationship for the better is to accept your partner as they are and work on changing yourself. It’s time to quit seeing your partner as a DIY project and invest your effort in improving yourself. Rachel Hollis and Dave Hollis have spoken about how when Rachel started her personal development journey, he wasn't happy. It took a tough conversation and her continuing to better herself for Dave to jump on board. If you don't listen to their Rise Together podcast, please do! It is so good for all couples.

Fix Weaknesses by Focusing on Strengths
Nobody’s perfect. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Make a conscious decision to spend most of your time thinking about the things you love and respect about your partner. Even if this is a private resolution for yourself, you will give off an aura of support and positivity that will make your partner feel appreciated. In this supportive space, your partner will feel safe enough to be honest about their weaknesses, or things they are struggling with. Maybe commitment is a tough thing for them or something more serious is the issue, but having a supportive, appreciative ethos within your relationship will empower you both to have open and honest conversations about each other’s weaknesses, which will help you move forward as individuals and as a couple. 

Check Your Blame at The Door
Many couples struggling with relationship issues make the mistake of getting fixated on which of them is ultimately to blame for the mess they are in. Playing the blame game is one of the most destructive forces in a relationship. Once you’re done with all the arguing and fighting required to agree about who is more to blame, you’ve probably said a lot of things you regret, and exhausted your inner strength, without addressing the actual issues that have caused the hurt in the first place. Trying to put blame on each other really helps no one. You’ll both just end up feeling worse. Rather, put blame aside and start taking responsibility. And if you’re worried that if you take responsibility, your partner will be let off the hook, just give it a try. By stepping up and being an adult, you will model adaptive, mature behavior to your partner, who may follow suit. The sooner you can both look at the ways each of you has behaved and understand how that has made the other feel, the sooner you can leave the past behind. 

Whether you’re in your first year together or you’re coming up to your golden anniversary, chances are you’ll have your fair share of challenges to get over. If you’re working hard to reconnect with your significant other, these tips will help you see challenges as an opportunity to get to know each other more intimately and move your relationship forward.


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